The Red Suit
by Lone Wolfette
Summary: ChristmasFic: Crime never rests, even on Christmas Eve. And Ralph realizes a new power of the Magic Jammies.


**The Red Suit**

by Lauren

It was Christmas Eve and the Hubbard Avenue orphanage was holding it's annual fund raising event, sponsored by Duncan's Toy Emporium. Children milled about everywhere, playing with toys, or lining up to see Santa Claus. There were several tables lined up with toys, with two or three people at each. One particular table had three very familiar people at it.

Bill was kicked back in his folding chair, arms crossed over his chest, while Ralph and Pam stood at the table, showing the toys off to the kids.

Ralph turned around to Bill. "Need I remind you, Bill, that you _agreed_ to this _and_ that it's a good cause?"

"No, you don't, Ralph," Bill said, then motioned to the toys. "They don't make toys like they used to anymore! Lookit, these..." He pointed at a set of Legos. "When I was a kid, I was perfectly content with a set of Lincoln Logs. They'd keep me occupied all afternoon."

"Or atleast until you got a sliver, maybe," Ralph commented. "Okay, Bill, so you don't agree with the toys, but what about the kids? We're helping to raise money for these poor kids!"

Pam shushed them. "Could you two tone down the argument? You're scaring the kids away!"

Bill groaned. "Think I'll go find the men's room."

"Better make it quick, Bill, it'll probably be packed in a few minutes. The children's choir is going to start singing at six o'clock sharp," Ralph warned. Bill made a face and began making his way. Ralph sighed. "I really thought he'd help us out with this. Instead, he's doing a too-good imitation of Ebenezer Scrooge."

"Maybe we should've offered to put on "A Christmas Carol" instead," Pam commented.

Ralph watched as the line for Santa dispersed and Santa made his way around to the back. "Maybe."

Bill was still headed for the bathroom, muttering about how it _had_ to be all the way across the other end of the building. He passed the clear lock box that held the money raised so far and gave a whistle. He did have to admit that the kids were going to get alot of monetary help from this fund raiser.

He rounded the corner and went into the bathroom. In one of the stalls, he could hear the rustling of clothes, a sound he became quite familiar with with Ralph constantly changing into his Magic Jammies. He caught a glimpse of a red sleeve with a white fur cuff hit the floor and then be scooped up. Seconds later, the stall door slammed and the bathroom door opened.

Bill quickly finished and washed his hands, then headed back out into the hall. He stopped at the corner and peeked around. The guy who had been playing Santa was emptying the money from the lock box into his sack. Bill made a face, not wanting to make a scene, but he had to get this guy. _How...?_

The man emptied the box and started back towards the bathroom. Bill turned and went back in. Obviously, the guy had been oblivious to the fact that Bill had gone in the bathroom, but had yet to come out. He ducked back into a stall and waited. The guy went back into the handicap stall and started putting his suit back on.

Bill took the opportunity and snuck out. He went down the hallway, noting the empty lock box and made a beeline for Ralph and Pam. He spotted them standing at the back of the auditorium while the kids' choir sang. He stopped next to Ralph.

"Where've you been, Bill? We thought maybe you had snuck out."

"It's a good thing I didn't. You'll never believe what I saw Santa doing." He turned to see the look on Ralph's face.

It was a questioning look. "What _was_ Santa doing?"

"Ripping off the cash box. He took his suit off, dumped the money in his sack, and was re-suiting when I left the men's room."

"Great." Ralph groaned. "Are you _sure_ it was Santa?"

"I saw it with my own two eyes, Ralph. No one's gonna know that thing's empty until it's too late. He knew when to empty it."

"Bill, honestly! Why would he steal? They've had the same guy play Santa for over ten years!"

"Ralph, why do you have to make this so impossible?"

Pam leaned over. "What is going on with you two? I'm getting dirty looks from everyone standing and sitting around us."

Ralph jerked a thumb. "Bill thinks that Teddy ripped off the cash box."

Pam's eyes widened. "Teddy wouldn't do that!"

"Well, _Santa_ did! And I'll get you two proof." Bill turned and headed back out of the auditorium. He made his way to the "North Pole" and looked around for anything that might give off some vibes...

Several minutes later, out in the parking lot, Bill stepped out a side door of the building, item in hand and crossed to his Dodge Diplomat.

Ralph stood against the car, arms folded over his chest. "Bill, I can't believe I'm doing this."

"Didn't you see that empty cash box?"

"Yes, I did, actually. But how do you know they weren't just emptying it so that all the money wouldn't be sitting out like that? Granted it had a padlock on it..."

Bill shoved an article of clothing at Ralph. "Here, vibe away on this."

"Fine." Ralph undid the upper buttons of his shirt and pushed his sleeves up the best he could. He gripped the black t-shirt in both hands and held it close to him. He fixed his gaze on the wall of the building. "I'm starting to get something... It's... the janitor's closet?" He refocused, tilting his head slightly to one side.

"Well, Ralph, what is it?" Bill prompted.

"Teddy... he's locked in the janitor's closet!" Ralph turned to him. "Bill, that isn't Teddy playing Santa!"

"Believe me now, kid?"

"Yeah," Ralph answered, then sighed. "Bill, how are we gonna get this guy? We can't haul off Santa with all those kids in there."

Bill paused, thinking a moment. He shrugged. "We'll find someone else to be Santa. Right now, lets get this guy while he's still here."

Ralph shook his head. "He's back out with the kids! We can't arrest Santa, Bill."

Bill made an aggravated sound. "Then we'll just have to pardon Santa for a moment! That's my scenario, okay?"

"There's holes in your scenario, Bill--"

Bill grabbed Ralph's arm and pulled him along. "Ralph, stop arguing and come help me bust Santa."

Ralph, now in the suit, and Bill looked out at the crowd of kids from behind some of the "North Pole's" scenery

"This is gonna ruin the holiday for all those kids..." Ralph complained.

"Ralph, go out there and play an elf and get Santa back here already!"

"Alright, Bill, alright! But you know who the bad guy's gonna be? Me for taking Santa away from those kids!"

Bill groaned as he headed for the "door." "_Ralph_..."

Ralph paused, glancing through the curtains that made up the "door." One kid was just finishing with Santa... He took a few deep breaths, then stepped out right behind Santa.

He was greeted with cheers from the kids. Ralph grinned, waving to the kids. "Santa" turned a dark glare on him and got up, advancing on Ralph. He thought quick. "Kids, just give me and Santa a moment!" He waved again and the both went through the door.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" "Santa" asked, sneering.

"I was going to ask you the same thing, though, now in those exact words," Ralph commented. "It seems the cash box out back is empty and someone saw _you_ emptying it!"

"You ain't got any proof!"

Bill reappeared, sack in hand. "Oh we don't, huh?"

"Santa's" eyes widened. "What're you doin' with that?"

"It's evidence." Bill whipped out his badge. "Bill Maxwell, FBI, and you're under arrest, St. Nick."

"That's what you think!" Santa started to reach into his coat, but Ralph grabbed his arm and twisted it behind his back. "_Ow_!"

"Keep him just like that for a moment, there, Ralph." Bill pulled out a pair of handcuffs as a chant started making it's way to them.

Ralph's eyes widened. "Bill, the kids want Santa! What'll we do?"

Bill yanked the Santa hat off the phoney Santa and pulled it down over Ralph's curls. "_You_ go out there and be Santa. You already got the red suit."

Ralph lifted the brim of the hat a little and gave Bill a narrow-eyed look. "Very funny, Bill. They're gonna know I'm not him!"

Bill put his free arm out. "What do you want, Ralph? I don't have all the answers! Improvise or something. I need to take this scum down to the police station and file a report. Have fun with the kids, Ralph!" He waved and headed out.

Ralph shook his head. "What am I gonna do?" He paused, a sudden glow catching his attention. He looked down at himself, or more specifically, the suit. It was starting to glow a bright red. "Oh no..." The glow continued to brighten, so much that Ralph had to shield his eyes from it.

It took a few moments before the glow dissipated and Ralph slowly uncovered his eyes, though he kept his hands on his face... He could've sworn he'd shaved that morning. He pulled his hands away and looked at them. they looked... chubbier. Then the cuffs of his sleeves caught his attention: white fur trim, instead of gray cloth.

"Oh my Lord," Ralph whispered, then slowly looked down at himself. He looked up again, then as quickly as he could went over to a full-length mirror. His reflection confirmed it: for some reason, the suit converted it and _him_ into Santa Claus! "I am so glad that Bill left..." he muttered, and started to go back to the curtains. Might as well make use of the look.

Again, Ralph took a few deep breaths then went back out into the "North Pole." As soon as he stepped out, the kids cheered and clapped. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad...

Later in the night, all the kids had left and a few people remained to clean up. Ralph, however, remained perched on Santa's chair in the "North Pole."

Pam stepped out from behind the curtain, her eyes widening. "Ralph? Is that you?"

Ralph turned a look over his shoulder. "Yeah, I think I'm in here somewhere."

She came around and stopped in front of him. "Did the suit do this?"

"Yes, and it's all Bill's fault! He put the hat on my head and that started the... transformation!"

"Oh, so it's _my_ fault?"

Both of them turned to the voice, finding Bill at the entrance way for the room. "You look great, Ralph. The suit did that, huh? Nice, could be real useful in the future."

"What, being able to imitate Santa Claus? I doubt it, Bill." Ralph made a face.

"I don't mean Santa, Ralph! If the suit could transform you into Santa, imagine what else it might be able to change you into!" Bill said, moving closer.

Ralph put a hand up. "I don't wanna hear it, Bill. I just wanna be _me_ again! A thin, young me!"

Pam had a thoughtful look on her face. "Take the hat off."

Ralph quirked an eyebrow. "Huh?"

"You said that the transformation happened after Bill put the hat on your head. So take the hat off."

"Yeah, Ralph, you're probably vibing off the hat too much and it turned you into Santa," Bill said.

Ralph shrugged. "Guess I don't have anything to lose." He pulled the hat off, immediately revealing blond curls where there had been white hair. The suit began to glow red again. All three covered their eyes and when the glow dissipated, Ralph and the suit were back to normal. He sighed. "Thank goodness!"

Pam hugged him. "You did great, Ralph, especially with the kids."

"Yeah, I guess I did."

"And you helped get the money back for the kids, too," Bill added.

"But you were the one who knew it was that guy all along, Bill," Ralph said.

"If it wasn't for you, kid, we wouldn't have got him and he would've run off with the money! You did good, Ralph, even if you did have to impersonate Santa briefly." Bill gave a small smirk.

Ralph frowned. "I'm never gonna live this down, am I?"

"Don't think so," Bill said.

Pam smiled. "Sorry, hon."

Ralph shrugged. "Ho ho ho."

**The End**


End file.
